When are you giving your power away?
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any’.”
Alice Walker
The definition of giving power away for me is: being in a place with little or no control, you cannot exercise choice or set clear boundaries, it’s the land of SHOULDS and where you don’t quite feel like the true version of yourself.
I recently started drum lessons. The kids were learning already and after sitting in on a few lessons it looked both fun and cool, so I thought to myself “why not me too?" Well, a couple of lessons in, the teacher shows me a groove that I can’t quite get the hang of. Thoughts start to creep in such as:
Please let this be over so I can practice on my own without being watched.
If I was good at this sort of stuff I’d have mastered playing an instrument when I was a kid – remember how terrible it sounded when you played the violin?
People who play musical instruments are superior. SUPERIOR TO ME. I SUCK!!!!!!!!
Hang on, wasn’t I supposed to be having fun here? The very reason I signed up was because it looked like SO much fun….not because I want to be a professional drummer. I’d handed over the drumsticks to my saboteur/inner critic and they were running the show telling me I was good for nothing. I was left feeling feeble, small, hunched over the drums without a shred of confidence.
Do you recognize this type of voice?
Common examples of when people give their power away involve boundary setting, conflict avoidance, new experiences, imposter syndrome, uncertainty and certain social settings.
When you give your power away how does it make you feel? For me it’s small and almost like I have stepped away. It’s closed and shut down. What do you miss out on? In this instance I was missing out on enjoying it (exactly what I’d signed up for), not to mention the fact that I wasn’t showing up as my best self. Focusing on what is not going well leaves you with the question of what could have been. So often when you give up your power you regret it later.
In your full power, you are confident, you are present and focused on who you are being in the moment with the excitement of what might be possible in the background. You are authentic and it is easy to access why you are where you are and what you’d like to walk away with. You are intentional, on purpose and at choice. You cannot control everything, but you have control over how you show up.
How to not surrender you power? Be intentional. Remind yourself why you want this, how you want to show up and what you want the impact to be for you or others. Align to your values. I have a value of fun but taking myself too seriously sucked the fun out of the situation. Whenever I get too serious in a lesson now, I laugh out loud to bring some humor to the situation and I ask to try again.
We often hang up our values with our coats at the door to a party or meeting. Take them with you instead and they will serve you like a compass. When we give our power away often it is borne out of habit or a story (a boring, sad one) we have been telling ourselves.
What could a new story be for you?